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Tommy Cooper Jokes....

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  • Tommy Cooper Jokes....

    I went to see a friend with her new baby last night, she asked meif I wanted to wind it.I thought that was a bit harsh, so I just gave it a Dead-Leg*****Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get marriedThe ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.*****Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'*****'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.''That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.''Is it common?''It's not unusual.'*****A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?''Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks histeeth.Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.''What? Because he's cross-eyed? ''No, because he's really heavy'*****'Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.''Well you can't say fairer than that then'*****Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!*****So I went to the dentist..He said 'Say Aaah.'I said 'Why?'He said 'My dog'sdied.'*****So I got home, and the phone was ringing.I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'And a voice said 'You are.'*****So I rang up my local swimming baths.I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'*****So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outsidemy house.'He said 'I'm not stopping you.'*****Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.It's either my mum or my dad.Or my older brother Colin.Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.But I think its Colin.*****So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up,And he said 'You've beenpromoted.'And I swerved.And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promotedagain.'And I swerved again.He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'And I went into a tree.And a policeman came up and said'What happened to you?'And I said 'I careered off the road.'*****Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?The one I was in went back and forwards.I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me,'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'*****So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can yougive me a lift?'I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go forit.'*****Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other'Does this taste funny toyou?'*****Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking batteryacid, and the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the other one off.*****You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'ParkingFine.'So that was nice.

  • #2
    old one's are the best
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    • #3
      :d:d:d

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      • #4
        sigpic Cheshire & North Wales Region. Home of A&M Conversions

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        • #5

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          • #6

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            • #7

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              • #8
                lol

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