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Traffic Polis in Glesga

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  • Traffic Polis in Glesga

    Traffic Polis in Glesga

    "If any of you are contemplating a visit to the Glasgow area (applies all over) please bear in mind that the Scots language can be a trifle difficult to understand

    The Glasgow, or more properly "Glesca", dialect is known to be extremely concise,as so much can be said in so few words.

    Consider for example, this exchange between a motorist and a Police Officer who stopped him in the Possilpark area. Translation is provided inside the brackets.

    Police officer:
    Yaw rite ? (are you feeling ill?)

    Driver:
    'maw rite. (No. I'm feeling exceptionally well, thank you)

    Police officer:
    Yeshoor? (are you entirely certain of that fact?)

    Driver:
    Aye. (yes)

    Police officer:
    Zisyoors? (are you the registered owner of this vehicle?)

    Driver:
    Zwitmine? (which vehicle are you referring to?)

    Police officer:
    Ris caur (The automobile in which you are presently seated)

    Driver:
    Sibrurn laws (Actually, it belongs to my sister's husband)

    Police officer:
    Wers heeren? (Can you tell me where he can be located ?)

    Driver:
    'Raboozers. (He is a guest of the local hostelry.)

    Police officer:
    Yebeen garglin'. (Have you partaken of any alcholic beverages, in the recent past?)

    Driver:
    Jissa cupple. (I have consumed only one or two small cocktails, prior to dinner.)

    Police officer:
    Yur stoatin'. (It is my considered opinion that you are considerably under the influence of alcohol.)

    Driver:
    Naw'mno' (I beg to differ.)

    Police officer:
    Ye urstoatin'. (I believe that my initial observation is correct,and that you are being somewhat deceitful.)

    Driver:
    Umnoe. (I swear that I am being entirely truthful.)

    Police officer:
    Geezyer licence. (Would you be kind enough to allow me to inspect your drivers licence?.)

    Driver:
    'Vno goatwan. (I am not in possession of such a document.)

    Police officer:
    Geroot racaur (Kindly remove yourself from the automobile.)

    Driver:
    Whiffur? (By what legal right do you make this request?.)

    Police officer:
    'Mapolis. ( I am a member of the local police constabulary.)

    Driver:
    Ommygoad (I call upon the Supreme Being, to witness this moment of extreme duress.)

    Police officer:
    Geroot Ren. (Will you now please extricate yourself from your position behind the steering wheel.)

    Driver:
    Awrite, 'mcomin' (I am proceeding to do so with all possible speed.)

    Police officer:
    Blawris up. (Are you familiar with the breathalyser test?.)

    Driver:
    'Mgonny Besik. (I am not feeling too well and I believe that I am about to be violently ill.)

    Police officer:
    Noanme Yurno. (Please exercise a great deal of caution as to the direction your involuntary emission takes.)

    Driver:
    'Mawrite Noo (Having ridden my digestive tract of an accumulation of nausea-inducing substances I now feel better.)

    Police officer:
    GetniVan. (Please be kind enough to accept a short ride in the humble vehicle provided for my use by the local police.)

    Driver:
    Wer Wegaun? (May I be so forward as to make an enquiry as to our ultimate destination ?.)

    Police officer:
    Jail. (To my headquarters,where you will be incarcerated.)

    Driver:
    Ohmigoad, rawife'll murder me. (Once again I call upon the Supreme Being to witness this unfortunate turn of events. Incidentally, I must inform you that my spouse will take my life, by violent means.)

    Police officer:
    Getna Wagon. (May I offer you my assistance in climbing into the back of my vehicle.)

    Driver:
    Aw, Neveragain. Ratsit furme. (I have now learned a valuable lesson, and I hereby declare total abstinence from all alcoholic beverages hence forth.)"

  • #2
    Very good

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    • #3
      FPMSL very very funny indeed

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